There goes the bride...

There are certain moments in your life that you simply never forget. That you remember what you were wearing, feeling, thinking, as though that particular moment was trapped in time forever. Moments where in an instant everything changes and is never, ever the same again. For me that moment took place four years ago on September 1,2004 at around ten in the evening. I was knee deep in wedding plans with only 11 days left until my "big day." My fiancee Derek came home that night, and I immediately sat him down to discuss what seemed like a very important issue - the wedding cake flavor. I wanted chocolate, but my mom thought we should do something different and I was looking to Derek to help me figure it out. He looked at me and said "I can't do this." And he wasn't talking about wedding cake flavors, but about us, our life, our wedding, our future. My heart stopped. September 12, 2004 was supposed to be my fairy tale wedding day - with 110 of our closest friends and family at Calamigos Ranch in beautiful Malibu Canyon. Instead, it was undoubtedly one of the hardest days of my life. The days, weeks, and months after were filled with sadness and devastation. I'd never heard of anything so horrific happening to anyone - and was so comforted when I found this book:

Filled with stories just like my own. It was such great therapy for me. My life, my experiences, my own story of loss and rebuilding have shaped my journey and made me the person I am today. A little older and wiser than the believer of fairy tales that I was then. Believe me, that everything that happened was for the better - but it doesn't change the fact that it hurt...a lot.

So now, here I am, newly engaged...again. And the first question everyone asks is "When is the wedding?" The answer is I am not sure. In some ways I can't imagine planning another wedding. And for my parents, who paid for "the wedding that never was," it doesn't seem fair that they be asked to pay for my second stab at wedded bliss. And for Tim, who has never been married, it seems unfair to deny him of his dream wedding...a big wedding with all of his family and friends there to wish us well. Oh friends, what should I do?

Long time, No see

Seriously, how rediculously cute is my nephew? I love this picture because he looks adorable AND because he is holding a little piece of paper like he is ready to take notes or something. Here he is doing something sneaky to the dog.

Doesn't he look like he got caught in the act?

Oh Nick, your pictures make me smile.

Your Auntie K loves you and misses your sweet face.

Fancy Nancy Strikes Again...

I couldn't pass these by. Last fall, I bought the cocktails one, and so when I found the matching desserts and appetizers, I just had to get them. I think they are so fancy. The perfect compliment to a nicely laid out spread of food.

And I insisted on making a pit stop to the local thrift store to see if there were any treasures. I found a ball jar for only 25 cents! You heard me - 25 cents! My antique stores charge anywhere from $12.00-$20.00 each. I snatched it up and Tim could not believe I was paying for something with pocket change. How cool is that! I may be Fancy Nancy, but I appreciate a good bargain!!

If you look very closely...

You can see the word "bride" embroidered on this little dainty white handkerchief.

I bought it at my favorite little shabby chic store "Picked Fences" in Solvang the day after Tim proposed. I think its the perfect keepsake from our engagement, don't you?

Back in time...

We had about three big family vacation destinations growing up - Las Vegas, Idyllwild (we owned a cabin there), and Solvang. Visiting any of these places takes me back in time - I can close my eyes and just picture my sister and I getting a big ice cream cone in the peak of summer with my dad (I think mom must have been shopping while we were indulging.) Or taking my allowance and going through the stores feeling like the world was my oyster and trying to figure out which keepsake to bring home. And the food...well, let's just say I was a foodie, even back in the day.

For me, no trip to Solvang would be complete without a trip here...

For a big plate of these - Aebelskivers (pronounced e-bel-skee-ver). They are ever carb lover's dream. Little spiced donut balls crisped in a cast iron pan, then dusted with powdered sugar, and dipped into the best raspberry jam you have ever tasted.

Pure bliss...

Here is my silly fiancee' (post breakfast). We were totally stuffed!
After breakfast, we walked around town and I got some great shopping in (I will post pics of my finds later). I couldn't help but stop and take a picture of Solvang town center all decked out in its 4th of July best. There was a big town bbq and a parade right through the heart of town.
Is it any wonder my mom loved sharing this town with us?

We are engaged!

I have some very exciting news to share - on July 3rd (my 30th Birthday), Tim proposed to me. He tried to throw me off by making me think that my birthday present was the new camera he bought me. After I opened the camera (thinking in my head - I guess he is not going to be asking me to marry him today), he told me that he had broken the new camera in and wanted me to see the pictures he took. So, I started flipping through about 5 pictures of my cat in different poses, and then, finally, came upon this photo... And these...

And when I looked over at Tim, he was down on one knee, teary eyed, asking me to marry him. What an amazing moment! Being with Tim, sharing our life together just feels so natural. I can't imagine my life without him. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.

Here I am showing off my new bling..

I am the luckiest girl.

Twenty Nine Plus One

I have always loved making birthday wishes.

To me, it just isn't a birthday if you don't have at least one candle to blow out.

Tonight, Tim and I went to Opah for a little pre-birthday celebration.

I got a birthday creme brulee with one candle on it. There was a time in my life when I would have wished for material things.

I have everything I need.

Or for someone - for a boyfriend or alas

for that ever elusive Mr. Right.

I wasted a lot of birthday wishes in my twenties on Mr. Right.

Tonight when I blew out my candle, I thought about it for a moment.

And then, I made a wish for joy.

Joy.

How simple and grown up is that.