Saturday, May 23, 2009

Where I am right now...

"It's not so much that we're afraid of change or so in love with the old ways, but it's that place in between that we fear...It's like being between trapezes. It's Linus when his blanket is in the dryer. There's nothing to hold on to."
That is so where I am right now.
Linus when his blanket is in the dryer.
I have nothing to hold on to.
I've been in such a funk lately for quite a number of reasons. Part of that is the transition I am going through at work. Exciting changes, but changes just the same. Changes that mean leaving the people that I love seeing every day. Changes that mean difficult decisions, difficult situations, the uphill battle that I've already fought once - off to fight it again, it seems. Only in a new place. An important place. With all eyes on me.
I've been selected to run one of the flagship locations for my company for a few months during my colleague's maternity leave. Four months or so away from my store seems like such a long time not to laugh my heart out with Jonathan, hear Debbie's stories, get Gloria's advice. Part of leaving means that I have to hand my store over to Jonathan. And step away.
STEP. AWAY.
And know that I have given him the tools he will need to make it a success. Know that it is his chance to do something great. To accept that he could even do it better. Sigh...
And to step back and let him stumble a little here and there because that is how you learn. It just is. I'm so proud of him. I want him to do so well. It's hard to leave my baby though. The store, not Jonathan. Although that is hard too.
I think of all of the times I have been in this situation. Where gaining something new means letting go of something well loved. Where the time comes to walk away from what is comfortable in pursuit of something challenging. It is the right thing, but it is a sucky thing. Yes, I said sucky.
I was talking to my friend Gloria - my sounding board - about the whole thing. She was saying that when she was a child, they moved a lot. And each place they lived taught her something great. Great friendships. Great experiences. She said she wouldn't have traded one move because that would have meant missing out on something that made her who she was. But with each move, there was a loss. And that is where I am.

3 comments:

Julia said...

ugh....change. You know that you are going to make a new best friend at your new venture and then 4 months later be in this same predicament.

You know, the only sure thing is change.

Just go ahead and jump! It's going to be fun....

Jeff said...

Fear not the wind, but neither be blown by it. Choose your climate.

~athena~ said...

What's even harder is when you have kids and you have to be THEIR blanket. Even when you don't have your own, and you're unsure of your own footing in life. It's good to learn now how to navigate uncertainty so you can, later, teach your children to do the same.

As I often tell Zoe, fear not: You come from a long line of tough old broads.