There are certain moments in your life that you simply never forget. That you remember what you were wearing, feeling, thinking, as though that particular moment was trapped in time forever. Moments where in an instant everything changes and is never, ever the same again. For me that moment took place four years ago on September 1,2004 at around ten in the evening. I was knee deep in wedding plans with only 11 days left until my "big day." My fiancee Derek came home that night, and I immediately sat him down to discuss what seemed like a very important issue - the wedding cake flavor. I wanted chocolate, but my mom thought we should do something different and I was looking to Derek to help me figure it out. He looked at me and said "I can't do this." And he wasn't talking about wedding cake flavors, but about us, our life, our wedding, our future. My heart stopped. September 12, 2004 was supposed to be my fairy tale wedding day - with 110 of our closest friends and family at Calamigos Ranch in beautiful Malibu Canyon. Instead, it was undoubtedly one of the hardest days of my life. The days, weeks, and months after were filled with sadness and devastation. I'd never heard of anything so horrific happening to anyone - and was so comforted when I found this book:
Filled with stories just like my own. It was such great therapy for me. My life, my experiences, my own story of loss and rebuilding have shaped my journey and made me the person I am today. A little older and wiser than the believer of fairy tales that I was then. Believe me, that everything that happened was for the better - but it doesn't change the fact that it hurt...a lot.
So now, here I am, newly engaged...again. And the first question everyone asks is "When is the wedding?" The answer is I am not sure. In some ways I can't imagine planning another wedding. And for my parents, who paid for "the wedding that never was," it doesn't seem fair that they be asked to pay for my second stab at wedded bliss. And for Tim, who has never been married, it seems unfair to deny him of his dream wedding...a big wedding with all of his family and friends there to wish us well. Oh friends, what should I do?
2 comments:
That is such a tragic story but it has certainly shaped you into the person you are and I'm sure you value this new relationship even more because of the old one. I would say, you can have it all. Have a ceremony but on a smaller, more intimate scale. One where you only invite the people you really love and that really love you. Your closest friends and family and don't worry about inviting people like your dad's boss who really doesn't want to be there anyway. Maybe the 2 of you can pay for it yourselves or pay for it together with your parents. When Sweet Hubby and I got married 8 1/2 years ago, it was my 2nd and his 1st and we kept it very small, our parents, siblings and their spouses and very best friends. We had the ceremony at a small chapel and the reception at our new home catered by a lovely talented woman. Good luck to you. You will figure out what is best for both of you.
Just think it has made you who you are today. I love ya and know you will make the right choices. You and Tim were meant to be. I know that and you do too.
If you need anything I am so here for you.
::)
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